apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I have fence marks all over my body
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
