guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
