On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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