i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
