Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
