i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
