when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
