Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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