I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
