My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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