My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
