I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
