What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
