I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
