i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
