I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
