I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
