Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
