His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
