that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
