I want to stick my p in your. b.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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