pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
