she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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