i already hear my dad disowning me
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
