Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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