ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
