i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
