Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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