I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
