i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
