remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm always down for nudity.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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