Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize