When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
