My friends, they love my intelligence
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
