tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
