Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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