Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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