my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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