I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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