P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
