is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
