CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
