Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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