i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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