He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize