I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
