HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
