dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
