Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
