I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
